


First Place Silver

by SwordintheThrone



Series: Insecurities of a Miracle [1]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Akakuro - Freeform, Akashi does a lot of overthinking, Ambiguity, Light Angst, M/M, aokise is minor here, kuroko has to reassure him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 22:18:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14342112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwordintheThrone/pseuds/SwordintheThrone
Summary: But most of all, through all the thinking, all the wondering, all the unanswerable, avoidable questions, Akashi wants to know if Kuroko regrets settling for second place- because Akashi knows he’s just compensation. He’s not the trophy, just the silver medal. But he wants to, needs to know just how much Kuroko resents it.Kuroko tells him how wrong he is.





	First Place Silver

**Author's Note:**

> Akashi has depression, is a normal guy, they're all in their last year of Teiko; none of the trouble with hating basketball happens, oh and this story has no plot whatsoever, it's just about Akashi thinking about his feelings.

Akashi often catches Kuroko’s gaze on Aomine- Aomine, with _Kise._ Sometimes, he wonders about how Kuroko feels about only having second place.

Like when they’re all together in the same class and their teacher plays an educational film and Kise will put his head on Aomine’s shoulder and Aomine will absentmindedly stroke his thumb over the other side of the other’s wrist.

Or when it’s hot and they’ll go for popsicles, and Kise starts to chatter, Aomine will reach over, pluck his popsicle out of his hand and stuff it into his own mouth. Kise will complain for a minute but when he gets insufferable, Aomine will let Kise taste the strawberry flavor in another way- off his lips.

Or when they’re all walking together and Kise will whine about how he’s having a bad hair day, and Aomine will throw him in a headlock and rush his knuckles down Kise’s head, Kise will shriek about Aomine being barbaric, and eventually, Aomine will laugh, let ago, and plant kisses into Kise’s newly disheveled hair, maybe whisper a teasing quip or fond pet name into his ear. Kise will either flip Aomine off while fighting back a laugh, or lose and throw his arms around Aomine.

Today, Aomine and Kise are supposedly duking it out on the court, but that mostly consists of them romping around, chasing each other in circles like playful puppies.

Akashi inhales quietly. The air is crisp and cool for spring; it burns his nostrils. Maybe Kuroko feels his shoulders move, if he does, he doesn’t show it. His gaze is fixed on the loud pair squabbling on the court below their little hill.

Sometimes, Akashi wonders if he can recall when Kuroko started doing it, started spending more time with his eyes on Aomine than Aomine had on Kuroko. Akashi thinks, when Kise first asked to join the team, when Kise first challenged Aomine to a game, when Aomine grinned and talked trash and agreed anyways. Maybe Kuroko had already known then.

Akashi only really remembers that night when Kise had challenged Haizaki, lost, game, girl, dignity- Aomine had stormed onto the court, pulled him up, fiercely spewed something about how Kise was way better than Haizaki, would stay way better than Haizaki with all the effort he put, with Aomine’s help- And then Kise had thrown his hands around Aomine’s neck and crashed their lips together.

Akashi remembers how he’d pulled away, cast his eyes low on the ground, even talking his apology to it- at least before Aomine had fisted a hand in Kise’s jersey and yanked him forwards.

Akashi remembers the devastation on Kuroko’s face, like reality had crashed into his box of hopes and dreams, sending it up in flames.There’d been agonizing pain reverating through Akashi’s chest like he’d been the one injured; part of him thinks he was, that image is a permanent scar in his memory.

Akashi remembers vowing the expression will never cross Kuroko’s face again. And Akashi Seijuruurou would rather die than go back on his word.

From his spot on the dew-stained grass with his head in Kuroko's lap, Akashi looks up at the boy that makes him feel like he's got a permanent lifeline to warm, loving safety, even when he feels like he’s alone in the middle of an endless blizzard, one that blinds him, suffocates him, spins him around in around, getting him even more lost than he already is. Kuroko doesn’t feel like some stroke of luck Akashi has met through a chance of fate, Kuroko doesn’t make him feel whole- he just tells Akashi he always has been.

So for as long as Kuroko has been Aomine’s shadow, Akashi wonders if he ever knows how much of a light he is.

But most of all, through all the thinking, all the wondering, all the unanswerable, avoidable questions, Akashi wants to know if Kuroko regrets settling for second place- because Akashi knows he’s just compensation. He’s not the trophy, just the silver medal. But he wants to, _needs_ to know just how much Kuroko resents it.

Kuroko shifts, leaning further back into the tree. Akashi follows his gaze down to the court.

Aomine spews out insults and Kise throws out equally crass retorts, but even from this distance, Akashi can easily see the obvious care in both of their eyes, in the easy way they interact, like the earth doesn’t spin on its axis, but each of the other does.

Akashi wonders if he looks like that when he looks at Kuroko, wonders if Kuroko knows he wants to.

A gentle tap on his forehead wakes him out of his thoughts. Akashi looks up to eyes in cyan blue, almost unreadable, but he sees past that, _he only sees Kuroko’s smile_ . It’s genuine and guiless and _accepting_ , Akashi swears he could walk off the earth right now and be happy.

“Sei, you’re doing it again. Stop overthinking.” Kuroko says simply, threading a careful hand into tangled strands of red.

“I’m not.” Akashi shifts, stretching his neck from side to side. “I was just thinking about how my pants are wet.” He pauses. “Wow, that sounds a little dirtier than I meant.”

Kuroko doesn’t take his bait. “Sei.”

Akashi lets out a sheepish laugh but it sounds strained, even to his ears. “I was thinking about Aomine. And Kise.”

Underneath him, Kuroko’s folded legs tense. Akashi wishes he never mentioned the blond. “I’m sorry,” He says softly.

Kuroko shakes his head. “Don’t be, you have nothing to be sorry for.”

Akashi wants to smile. Kuroko’s only becomes a better liar everyday. _Wow, maybe he is a bad influence…_ Kuroko doesn’t need any of his corruption.

Kuroko’s eyes darken and he puts a hand on Akashi’s jaw to make him look up. He says, sharp and insistent, “Sei, I mean it. Please. Don’t.”

Akashi _can’t._ It’s compulsive, it’s necessary for him, guilt is an easy emotion, guilt is something he can handle.

He changes the topic. “When do you most want Aomine?”

“What?” Kuroko looks at him like he’s grown three heads. “When do I _what?_ ”

“Want Aomine,” Akashi replies. It’s hard, looking into Kuroko’s eyes as he voices his question, and he’s seen his mother lifeless. “When do you usually wish I was him?”

The slap stings his skin but it doesn’t hurt. Though, he hadn’t expected it. Akashi touches his turned cheek gingerly, but stays limp in Kuroko’s lap.

Kuroko however, shakes with what Akashi perceives to be… rage?

“How can you say that?”

Akashi blinks up at him.

“ _How can you say that_?” Kuroko repeats, fiercely. Though he has his hands clenched in fists, Akashi flinches at the burning desperation in his voice and has to tears his gaze away from the other.

But Kuroko cups a hand around his jaw. He’s not forceful, just firm. Akashi relents to his touch and Kuroko steadily locks eyes with him as he says, “Seijuurou, I had a crush on Aomine. _Had._ ”

It helps Akashi hear how Kuroko has dropped Aomine’s honorific, and how _he_ is _Seijuurou._

Kuroko takes a deep breath. “You once asked me to never lie to you. So I’ll say it now. Sometimes, I do wonder what life would’ve been like if Kise had never come into the picture. I wonder what life would’ve been like if I was with Aomine.”

Something twinges through Akashi. He puts his hands on the ground, and pushes himself upright. He turns his head slightly, just so his chin is on his shoulder, just so he can see the edge of Kuroko’s face and not his expression, just so he can speak to the ground, “Tetsuya, I-”

The next thing Akashi knows, soft lips are moving against his. Closing his eyes becomes an automatic instinct, and he leans into Kuroko’s warmth.

When Akashi finally pulls away, Kuroko puts a hand over the one he has on the ground, insisting _stay_ , before he says, “Sei, I don’t regret having you. Aomine may have broken my heart, he may have made me feel like I was shattered- but _you_ were the one who glued the pieces back together.” _Kuroko_ leans back in to bump his forehead against Akashi’s, so they are only inches away, so Akashi _almost_ thinks he’s about to be swallowed by vast oceans of cerulean blue. He doesn’t feel afraid though, because of the gentle fingers squeezing around his hand, he feels brave, with Kuroko with him.

“Please don’t think you’re unworthy. Please don’t think you’re second best. Please don’t think your feelings aren’t reciprocated. I love _you_ ,” Kuroko continues, slowing his last few words. “Do you even know that?”

Akashi opens his mouth, then closes it like a beached fish.

“I’m sorry that I don’t tell you enough.” Kuroko whispers. The guilt is audible, just short of palpable.

Akashi almost replies he’s sorry too, but stops. Because what else can he be sorry for?

“I love you too.” Akashi finally says, because it’s easy, it’s true, and although it fits awkwardly around his mouth because he’s always tried to show it and isn’t quite used to saying it, and maybe he’s bad at not overthinking, but he at least he knows himself; at least he knows he means it.  
  
Kuroko doesn’t say anything more, and although Akashi wants him to- _how is he not supposed to overthink if he’s not being told things-_ Akashi doesn’t mind Kuroko’s apparent favorite way of silencing him.

**Author's Note:**

> Debut!
> 
> Hello, I'm Canadian, rather younger than most of the AO3 or Tumblr community.  
> I first watched KNB almost 3 years ago, AoKise became my OTP on the 2nd read of the manga.  
> I love writing. I write roughly 10 words a minute, so that sometimes explains why I'll scream, "I HATE WRITING." [Y'all feel me though, right?]  
> Favorite Trope: ANYTHING ANGSTY WILL DO; Perceived One-Sided BUT ACTUALLY MUTUAL PINING is my fav, for sure.  
> I have a pair of birds. I actually played basketball on school teams, so yeah, I genuinely have a love for basketball.  
> I am currently taking in drabble requests. (If you find me worthy ofc; btw, if you send me anything I WILL LITERALLY DO A FIST PUMP AND SCREAM, "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" like those dorky protagonists in your favorite lame TV shows.
> 
> PLEASE ASK ME ABOUT THE AMBIGUITY; I'D LOVE TO TALK ABOUT IT! :D  
> (Send me general feedback pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~)  
> Kudos and comments are much loved!  
> Thank you for reading this trash, love you for finishing it, have a good day!


End file.
